Wednesday, September 28, 2011

heavy heart

Uncertainty...

That describes my life since the first of the year. I know I lost almost all of my readers when I took my {very extended} blog break, but if there's any chance someone is reading, I just need to pour out my heart tonight.

This is not an exciting decor post laced with dreamy pictures and fabulous projects, but it's reality and it seems to have really hit me hard tonight. You see, we bought our house 4.5 yrs ago, one week before my younger daughter was born. Through a terrible series of misfortunes, theft, and job loss, we have been struggling to keep our home for the last 2 years. Unfortunately we are not the only owners of the home {very long story} so other family members are also being affected. Which magnifies the situation 10,000 times.






Being in the real estate and loan business {both my husband and myself} 2011 has not been a great year... owning a home only makes it worse, from an income standpoint as well as an investment standpoint. Not to mention running a business from home. If we are forced to move, we have to disrupt and move a business as well. So much stress.


I can't say enough bad things about our lender... we have applied for a loan modification multiple times and been denied for ridiculous reasons. They seem to employ people who have no idea what they are talking about, lose our paperwork, etc. etc. That only makes a difficult situation more frustrating and stressful. It seems they would rather sell our home to someone else for half of what we owe {the current market value is half what we paid for it} rather than work with us and modify OUR payments, the family that lives here, the family who has lovingly cared for and maintained our home and gardens for the last 4.5 years. Currently we are trying one or two last-ditch efforts to save our home, but it is very possible I will be packing up our home in the next month, unsure of where we will move.






This is especially emotional for me since my daughter went through a very rough first 2 weeks of second grade and had to switch schools because of an unfortunate situation with a very mean teacher {another very long story}. She has made new friends and acclimated wonderfully at her new school, but it took several weeks. She is finally happy as a clam. I am ecstatic. It is the best possible school in our area and the one we always wanted her to attend, but we were not assigned there. Until now. And if we move.... well, I don't know if she will have to switch schools again. I cannot stand the thought of that.



I well up with tears at the thought of leaving our beloved home, the place I have worked so hard to make our own... my roses, my hydrangeas, my garden. Our memories here. Living so close to friends. My daughters bedrooms, my 4 yr olds beloved blue room... and of course my daughter's school. Not to mention the marital strain this has caused.






I am just sharing this because my heart is so heavy and I am living a financial and emotional roller coaster and it is so, so very hard. On top of that, I have been struggling daily with IBS for the last couple of months and stress only exacurbates it. So many blogs are filled with decorating with what seem like endless budgets and happy times and friends and vacations and art retreats and I am just struggling to keep my emotions in check and my head above water on a daily basis and find some kind of joy in little moments. I'm sorry this is not a happy, light post... just know if you are in a similar situation to mine, you are not alone. I am right there with you. If that can bring comfort to anyone, then I feel a little better.


I just really felt compelled to pour out my heart tonight, so thank you for reading this and for visiting my blog. The last couple of years have been very difficult for me personally as well as for my family and marriage and I hoped to escape and pursue my passions and creativity on this blog, but reality is just so heavy tonight.

With tears,
xo
Kari


**edited to add... I have shared some very personal things tonight which is not usually my custom on this blog. However, I do hope that in "keeping it real" someone, somewhere will find comfort in my struggles. I love that expression "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle" but I know my problems pale in comparison to the struggles and losses others are facing. Still, thank you for reading and for allowing me to vent and to be human for a moment. It's therapeutic. :)

24 comments:

The Little Red Shop said...

God bless you for sharing, your family has been on my mind and I've been praying for you over the last couple of years. Your blog is one of the first I ever started reading. I'm sorry to hear your sad news, I just happened to look at my reader…which I have completely neglected for the last few months…since my brother suddenly fell ill and passed away. I'm praying for you and your family. I will continue to pray. I hope that you can take comfort in knowing that through all of your dark times, God is in control and has a perfect plan for your beautiful family. I'm not being trite. It's how I get through each day…trusting in Him. One of my dearest friends and closest neighbors lost their house last year…and our fellow friend and her little family JUST found out that they will be able to keep theirs…for now. It's not their first battle with lenders. Please know that you are not alone. I'll be praying for your tummy too. : )

Best regards,
Julie M.

Kari said...

Thank you Julie. Your kind words mean so much to me. I really appreciate you taking the time to write such a poignant reply and I am so sorry to hear of your terrible loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you as well my dear. :)

The Little Red Shop said...

Thank you! I hope you don't mind, but I've shared a prayer request for you on The Little Red Shop's facebook page. My vintage/blog friends have been some of the sweetest, dearest, and supportive folks over the last few months.

Kari said...

Thank you Julie. :) I know there are lots of amazing women in blogland and I'm grateful for that.

Christi said...

Kari, bless your heart.

I know how you feel, because we went through this same exact thing 2 years ago. Our lender (Wells Fargo, who I cannot say enough bad things about) was ridiculous as well, and despite trying to get a modification done for almost a year, they finally foreclosed on us in Nov. 09.

I know your world feels turned upside down & out of control right now, but it WILL get better. Knowing that doesn't make it any easier right now, I know - and it will still be hard and gut wrenching to get through. But I lost over a year of my life worrying & stressing about it, and it wasn't worth it.

You are welcome to read about it on my blog, or on Nesting Place titled Contentment.

Praying for you, that you are able to save your home & don't have to go through this horrible thing.

SaraMc said...

I'm so sorry your family is going through such tough times!! I'll be praying for comfort and peace about the situation.
I'm a long-time reader, and I have you to thank for introducing me to so many beautiful decor blogs (especially yours!). Thank you for the lovely escape from reality! I'm sure better days are ahead for your family!

www.MaisonStGermain.com said...

I am so sorry you and your family are going through this. It will make you all much stronger in the end. Everything will turn out for the best with everything, just mark my words:) I am sending you hugs and lots of prayers for you and your family. Keep us posted. We do all care. It isn't all decorating and crafts in the blogging world. It is also real life situations which we can relate too. Take care:)

~Debra xxx
Capers of the vintage vixens

Kate said...

Dear Kari

My heart is heavy as well for all of you. Please know that I care and that I will be praying for a good outcome or even a better plan for all of your lives especially your little ones. If you need anything pls email me. My love and friendship is here for you always.

xoxo
Kate
kkeesee@adelphia.net

red ticking said...

dear kari...
reading this has made me quite saddened. i have friends going thru a similar ordeal and it is truly unfair.
all i can say is that God is in this and He will help you... He will never leave you, nor forsake you...
you have an amazing husband and 2 darling girls...
health, love and faith is truly all we ever really need... you will be ok... please remember...let go and let God.
you will be in my prayers... sincerely, pam xoxo

Amber B. said...

Oh, I am so, so sorry to hear what you are going through. I will be praying for you, that by some miracle, some kind worker at your mortgage company will work with you to keep you in your home. I am glad that your daughter is happy now--school issues are so hard, too. Lots of love to your whole family!

Raining Pearls said...

Praying for a peaceful resolution that allows you stay in your beautiful home.

Kari said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kari said...

Thank you all so much for your kind words. It is so comforting to know people are still reading my blog and care enough to offer heartfelt concern and well wishes. It means the world to me, thank each and every one of you.

Lisa said...

First let me say that I will be praying for you and your family.

Because of a divorce I lost my home of over ten years (along with most of the memories of raising my two beautiful children in that home). It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...leaving the home I had loved on and spent many hours bringing to life. But I survived. I pray with all my heart that you will not have to experience the same thing; however know that wherever you, your hubby and girls are is HOME. I had to learn that. I know it's hard to think of moving, but know that if it comes to that, God has something even better just waiting for you. He knows the desires of your heart.
Blessings and prayers.
Lisa

Tracy said...

Kari, I'm so sorry you are in this situation, and that unfortunately you are so not alone. I too have been through it. After struggling for the first 10 years of our marriage, my ex and I bought a beautiful house with a pool in a nice neighborhood. Within a few years, he lost his job, we divorced and lost our home. It was hard to lose everything we'd worked for, but it was even more heart wrenching to move my girls into a 3rd floor apartment 1/4 the size of our home knowing that I would likely not be able to provide much more than that for the duration of their childhood. However, we survived it and we grew closer. I rebounded financially over time and after several years of paying for my mistakes over and over again, I was able to buy my own home. I see people all around me going through a similar situation now, 10 years later, and I know lightning could strike me twice and put me back at square one yet again, but I have peace knowing I have the strength to get through it and take care of those I love. I feel for you so much and I hope that somehow everything works out for your family to keep your home. Blessings to you.

Janice said...

Thank you so much for sharing this. Often reading other's blogs make us feel that we are the only one with problems. Keeping it real actually helps others dealing with hard times. I am also in the Real Estate business and have seen so much heartbreak the past few year. In my opinion, Bank of America and Wells Fargo are both on the same level as loan sharks. Hang in there and know that you still have much to be thankful for:-)

Polly said...

Hi Kari,

I hope things start looking up for your family very soon. My heart hurts for you, and I have said a prayer after reading this. Stay strong and keep your chin up!!

Polly

Chrissy...The Apothecary Shop said...

Kari...I had no idea..I feel so heartbroken for you,I so wish I could do something for you...your such a wonderful,kind,loving person..I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.Love to all of you,Chrissy

A Cozy Cottage in the City said...

Kari,

Thank you kindly for joining in on my giveaway. I read your recent post, and would like to extend my prayers to you. I can't even imagine what you are going through, but know you are not alone. Certain close family members of mine have gone through the same thing as what you are going through now {it was a few years ago}, and at the time, it was sooo difficult. But fast forward a few yrs later, and they are doing much better and starting new chapters in their lives {even better than before}. So as difficult as things may be right now, just know that God has a purpose for all of us, and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Sounds cliche, I know - but I firmly believe that things will get better. :) So hold your head up high and never you mind what everyone else is up to - focus on yourselves and you will be on the fast path to healing. :) Take care and God Bless.


Hugs,
Jessie

sweet vintage of mine.blogspot said...

Kari,
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, acknowledge him in all thy ways and he shall direct thy paths Proverbs 3-5:6
After battling cancer since 2009 and having financial woes that come with sickness, I can tell you first hand that

God is a healer and a restorer of finances! Be of good courage. Read the Word..he will speak to you! Thoughts and prayers, Roxie

Chrissy...The Apothecary Shop said...

Just checkin in on you darlin...x0

bedroom chandeliers said...

just wanted to say that keeping it real does help besides being therapeutically. i hope everything turns out the best

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